I’ve noticed a few patterns have developed whenever I get around to writing these discussion topic blog posts. Inevitably, the first thought is some form of the question, “Well, what do we mean when we say (insert topic)?” And it’s not just about defining the specific term but also about all of the synonyms, the interconnectedness of that term can have for each individual. “What does this mean to me?” “What does this mean to me today?” We each lead such rich, nuanced lives that are filled with experiences that color and shape the way we interpret each word and concept.
So, instead of diving directly into my reflections on “OCPD & Aging”, I want to switch things up and provide the reflection questions upfront to prompt genuine responses without the influence of my personal bias.
Reflection Questions
Take a couple of minutes to reflect on aging, both as a concept and for yourself personally.
What are the first few thoughts/associations that came?
Of these thoughts, does any one stand out as being especially:
Positively emotionally charged? (gratitude, peace, pride, etc. )
Permanent and unable to change?
Flexible and hopeful for change?
Surprising, perhaps as an unexpected association to aging?
On average, how often to do you think about aging, if at all?
Have you noticed if this has changed over time?
Did this reflection on aging bring up any sensations in your body?
Awareness of physical symptoms of aging?
A bodily response to emotions that may have arisen?
Were there any strong beliefs that came up concerning aging?
Do these beliefs feels encouraging or limiting?
Cale’s Thoughts (existential trigger warning?)
I don’t know how representative my OCPD/ADHD brain is of the general population but when reflection on aging I immediately jumped straight into thoughts of existentialism & death. What’s the whole point of life? What does it all mean?
From that (wonderfully depressing) overview, I begin to think about how aging is tied to the passage of time and that is inherently synonymous with the potential for growth and change. I think about the human desire for purpose, the compulsion to create meaning narratively (using stories to make sense of reality) and how that’s essentially a form of order and structure, something my OCPD loves so much. And then I turn my attention to the antonyms: chaos and entropy. I think about how my body is a complex system of interconnected parts all seemingly existing in opposition to the natural state of entropy and, as I age, eventually these parts begin to succumb to that inevitability. I think about how all things change with age and upsetting that is to my irrational expectation of permanence.
This brings up thoughts about Sisyphean care tasks (like eating, washing, cleaning up, brushing my teeth) and how draining those feel day after day (not the sort of permanence I was hoping for!). I think about how items get used up, weathered, deteriorate, and are eventually depleted. Change is the constant. But does that have to be a scary proposition? What if I optimistically viewed aging as an almost infinite collection of future potential changes I could adopt? What novel experiences do I still want to encounter? What story do I want to write for myself? What meaning brings me joy and excitement to live out? What changes feel like a creative challenge that I want undertake?
When I approached my 30th birthday I had a major life crisis where I asked myself two core questions that I still think about to this day:
What have I done for the first 30 years that I never want to do again?
And what have I not done that I would regret at the end of my life?
What I appreciate most about reflections on aging is the reminder that I get to choose what parts of the map I explore in life. I get to set the destination and focus of my time and energy (within the crushing confines of our current economic and political systems, of course 😝).
I especially appreciate the following quote and it’s greater context.
From The Writing Life (public library) by Annie Dillard — a wonderful addition to the collected wisdom of beloved writers — comes this beautiful and poignant meditation on the life well lived, reminding us of the tradeoffs between presence and productivity that we’re constantly choosing to make, or not:
How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing. A schedule defends from chaos and whim. It is a net for catching days. It is a scaffolding on which a worker can stand and labor with both hands at sections of time. A schedule is a mock-up of reason and order—willed, faked, and so brought into being; it is a peace and a haven set into the wreck of time; it is a lifeboat on which you find yourself, decades later, still living. Each day is the same, so you remember the series afterward as a blurred and powerful pattern.
And finally, just a fun treat, I decided to ask the collective wisdom of Chatgpt for a summary on aging as well.
Here are ten common reflections people have when thinking about aging:
Health and Wellbeing: Concerns about physical health, chronic conditions, and maintaining vitality.
Life Achievements: Evaluating accomplishments, career milestones, and personal successes.
Relationships: The quality of connections with family, friends, and partners; the importance of social support.
Legacy: Thoughts on what they will leave behind, including values, memories, and contributions to society.
Purpose and Meaning: Reflecting on personal goals, passions, and what gives life significance.
Regrets and Missed Opportunities: Contemplating choices made and opportunities that were not pursued.
Financial Security: Worries about retirement savings, financial stability, and planning for the future.
Acceptance of Change: Coming to terms with physical and emotional changes, and adapting to new realities.
Fear of Loneliness: Concerns about isolation, loss of loved ones, and the impact of aging on social networks.
Spiritual Reflection: Exploring beliefs about life, death, and what may lie beyond, often leading to deeper existential questions.
Thinking of the concept of aging, my associations are fear of losing control of my health and concerns about social connections. Over the past year, I’ve come to associate aging with the freedom of having a growing list of things I don’t give a s**t about. This was an interesting meeting.
Over the past year, shares from older attendees have made a big impact on me. I don’t mention this often, since other people may find it depressing…this piece of advice from Mallinger has been so helpful to me:
“Catch yourself straightening, organizing, cleaning, or filing far beyond what’s necessary or functional. Think of a clock ticking away the precious seconds of your life. Add up all those wasted moments…time that you might have spent creatively, productively, or just plain having fun…ask yourself what would be so terrible about making a small change…I seriously doubt you will become completely disorganized or unable to function effectively as a result of becoming a bit less orderly or rigid. It’s far more likely you’ll become more productive…creative, easier to get along with, more relaxed, and generally happier.”
For people with mental health disorders, thinking about aging can bring up so anxiety. I believe in the ‘age is just a number’ maxim to some extent. A 68 year old woman leads a walking group at my library. Her investment in self-care has ‘paid off.’ She’s very happy. I know two women who are 64 who don’t seem to practice self-care–and view their age as severely limiting what they can do.
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Thinking of the concept of aging, my associations are fear of losing control of my health and concerns about social connections. Over the past year, I’ve come to associate aging with the freedom of having a growing list of things I don’t give a s**t about. This was an interesting meeting.
Over the past year, shares from older attendees have made a big impact on me. I don’t mention this often, since other people may find it depressing…this piece of advice from Mallinger has been so helpful to me:
“Catch yourself straightening, organizing, cleaning, or filing far beyond what’s necessary or functional. Think of a clock ticking away the precious seconds of your life. Add up all those wasted moments…time that you might have spent creatively, productively, or just plain having fun…ask yourself what would be so terrible about making a small change…I seriously doubt you will become completely disorganized or unable to function effectively as a result of becoming a bit less orderly or rigid. It’s far more likely you’ll become more productive…creative, easier to get along with, more relaxed, and generally happier.”
For people with mental health disorders, thinking about aging can bring up so anxiety. I believe in the ‘age is just a number’ maxim to some extent. A 68 year old woman leads a walking group at my library. Her investment in self-care has ‘paid off.’ She’s very happy. I know two women who are 64 who don’t seem to practice self-care–and view their age as severely limiting what they can do.