A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step
Chapter 64 of the Dao De Jing ascribed to Laozi
Why is it that starting something is so incredibly difficult for me?!
After a lifetime of struggling with this issue, I’m grateful to report that I’ve gathered at least a handful of useful tools that I now implement in order to overcome the perpetual roadblock that is “starting”. In my inaugural post I shared one of the most recent tools: the minimal viable product. Even after know about it for a couple of years, it’s still not something that comes naturally for me as I have to remind myself of it constantly. This second post seems to be no exception!
I start with a moment of contemplation and reflection. I find asking myself meaningful questions tends to reveal the cognitive roadblocks in my way.
“What am I struggling with regarding the creation and use of this blog? Are there any beliefs or emotions that are obscuring the way forward?”
Initial Beliefs: I should be able to successfully synthesize my entire growth journey down into a succinct distillation of digestible wisdom and guidance. There is only one correct path forward. Not only do I need to identify the appropriate beginning and ending but also the correct sequencing of every step in between.
Emotions: Overwhelmed by the prospects of correctly sequencing the entirety of everything life lesson I’ve ever learned and trying to regurgitate them to others in a coherent and helpful way. Afraid I might do something incorrectly, that I might make a mistake. Guilt & shame over being someone who doesn’t try hard enough to avoid any and all mistakes.
Deeper Belief: It’s possible to eliminate all failure and therefore avoid any painful feelings or disappointment.
Challenge: But is this even true?! Why am I so convinced of these beliefs? Realistically, what would happen if I didn’t follow the supposedly “correct” path? If I’m honest with myself, this whole situation seems to be much more about avoiding the discomfort of painful emotions than actually believing these these internalized beliefs.
Reframe: The protector part of me is just trying to keep little Cale feeling safe and secure from the big, bad, scary emotions, at all cost! Ironically, this rigid commitment to the avoidance of any emotion perceived as negative seems to be causing me more overall distress than facing the initial discomfort head-on could ever possible generate on its own. What would it look like to accept the momentary discomfort of taking “messy action” in order to get started?
New Beliefs: What if the less painful approach is to start messy and give yourself something to build off of? What if momentum was more efficient and useful than the paralysis that avoidance seems to bring? What if giving myself a starting point served as a springboard to launch me forward into the next steps? What do I stand to gain by examining the ways moving forward imperfectly can actually serve me in a better way?
New Emotions: Optimism and hopefulness that things can grow and change so much sooner. That I can change and grow so much sooner! Anxiety over the unknown and anticipated frustration with a messy, more organic process that I have less control over.
And suddenly it hits me, I’m just utilizing a variation of The ABC Model:
In these models, this is what a typical series of thoughts might look like:
What is Albert Ellis’ ABC Model in CBT Theory? (Incl. PDF)
- A: Activating Event (something happens to or around someone)
- B: Belief (the event causes someone to have a belief, either rational or irrational)
- C: Consequence (the belief leads to a consequence, with rational beliefs leading to healthy consequences and irrational beliefs leading to unhealthy consequences)
- D: Disputation (if one has held an irrational belief which has caused unhealthy consequences, they must dispute that belief and turn it into a rational belief)
- E: New Effect (the disputation has turned the irrational belief into a rational belief, and the person now has healthier consequences of their belief as a result)
There’s also a great summary from a coaching perspective that you can read here.
Pitch Idea:
Let’s get collaborative! What do our audience members want to see prioritized in these early days of posting?
